I remember when I first became a full time homemaker and then Miss Megan came home. I found so much joy in everything! Not only the new, sweet moments with Megan, but in all things. My home was in order, neat and tidy, dinner was a joy to prepare. I hate to admit it, but I seem to have lost my joy.
I am happy and wouldn't trade the life I lead for anything. I am finding myself feeling overwhelmed with task. There is so much to be done and quite frankly I just don't want to do it! Yes, I know I sound like a toddler having a temper tantrum, but that is where I am.
My intentions are great. It is the follow through that is lacking. I will get in the cleaning, organizing mood and get a couple of task complete. I just can't seem to find the motivation to keep going. Then things fall into a bigger mess and sometimes it is easier to just say forget it. Then that leads to the overwhelmed feeling.
I don't like this feeling at.all. I want to get up each morning and embrace a new day. Be ready to face all of the challenges of life with a joyful heart.
I want to find joy in dusting... everything shining and clean along with a fresh scent.
I want to find joy in laundry... fresh clean clothes hanging in our closets ready for use instead of a mountain of dirty laundry.
I want to find joy in balancing the checkbook and paying bills... we have money that needs balanced and are able to pay bills.
I want to find joy in cooking and baking... providing a tasty meal for my family and making treats for my hard working husband.
I want to find joy in reading and playing with Megan... to find joy in this and not feel like I am going through the motions.
I know that life is a cycle of ups and downs and without some down time it hard to really enjoy the good things in life. I am on a mission to find my joy again, to truly enjoy all things big and small.
***This post was written a few weeks ago. I am slowly finding my joy again. Chuck saw this quote "Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful" That could not have come at a better time. I find that I tend to be my worst enemy. I am extremely hard on myself.
Chuck has been a huge help. He has made me realize that he doesn't care about perfection and that the way things are at home are fine. That we are living life, I am not only caring for my family, but also the children of two other families and that I can not be expected to do it all. I think that is a hard thing to accept. I really want to be able to do it all. I am finding that it is better to do a few task with joy in my heart then to try to do it all and have no joy. I am sure that this is a journey I will be taking for some time.