Friday, March 12, 2010

Finding Joy

I remember when I first became a full time homemaker and then Miss Megan came home. I found so much joy in everything! Not only the new, sweet moments with Megan, but in all things. My home was in order, neat and tidy, dinner was a joy to prepare. I hate to admit it, but I seem to have lost my joy.

I am happy and wouldn't trade the life I lead for anything. I am finding myself feeling overwhelmed with task. There is so much to be done and quite frankly I just don't want to do it! Yes, I know I sound like a toddler having a temper tantrum, but that is where I am.

My intentions are great. It is the follow through that is lacking. I will get in the cleaning, organizing mood and get a couple of task complete. I just can't seem to find the motivation to keep going. Then things fall into a bigger mess and sometimes it is easier to just say forget it. Then that leads to the overwhelmed feeling.

I don't like this feeling at.all. I want to get up each morning and embrace a new day. Be ready to face all of the challenges of life with a joyful heart.

I want to find joy in dusting... everything shining and clean along with a fresh scent.

I want to find joy in laundry... fresh clean clothes hanging in our closets ready for use instead of a mountain of dirty laundry.

I want to find joy in balancing the checkbook and paying bills... we have money that needs balanced and are able to pay bills.

I want to find joy in cooking and baking... providing a tasty meal for my family and making treats for my hard working husband.

I want to find joy in reading and playing with Megan... to find joy in this and not feel like I am going through the motions.

I know that life is a cycle of ups and downs and without some down time it hard to really enjoy the good things in life. I am on a mission to find my joy again, to truly enjoy all things big and small.

***This post was written a few weeks ago. I am slowly finding my joy again. Chuck saw this quote "Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful" That could not have come at a better time. I find that I tend to be my worst enemy. I am extremely hard on myself.

Chuck has been a huge help. He has made me realize that he doesn't care about perfection and that the way things are at home are fine. That we are living life, I am not only caring for my family, but also the children of two other families and that I can not be expected to do it all. I think that is a hard thing to accept. I really want to be able to do it all. I am finding that it is better to do a few task with joy in my heart then to try to do it all and have no joy. I am sure that this is a journey I will be taking for some time.

11 comments:

  1. Ah, what a great husband. Yes, life ebbs and flows. Don't be hard on yourself; you have a tremendous responsibility with others' children.

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  3. I can really relate. When life is moving at a slower pace, I can stop to enjoy the little things and find pleasure in taking care of my home and my family. When things are busy, it's so easy to get caught up in frustration and to see what isn't getting done or to rush through everything and miss the best little moments. It sounds like you have a great focus and I pray that you are able to recapture the small joys.
    I don't know about you, but as spring comes, I do find that gets easier, too.

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  4. Wendi - I often think of the same thing. I was so excited when I first became a SAHM but many of the things I originally found joy in have become drugdery. This is something that I have been praying about.

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  5. Wendi--I so understand where you are at... this has been rather "joyless" season for me, also!
    I think Chuck and my hubby, Dana, are very alike...
    what blessings they are!
    I'll pray for you...and I understand you!

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  6. Wendi,

    I can definitely relate to this post and appreciate you writing it. I, too, tend to be hard on myself and also to get overwhelmed, and as you said, lose motivation even with projects I was initially excited about.

    Hope the weekend will be refreshing for you!

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  7. Wendi,

    Try not to be so hard on yourself. As you go through each task say a prayer while you are doing it such as the laundry, say something like, "Lord, please bless my children as they put on these clean clothes and they remember to put on the armor of God as they begin their days" It helps because you realize you're blessing your family as you work on things throughout the day and you're keeping God close to your heart.

    Hope this helps!

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

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  8. As, mothers, we all go through the exact same things you mentioned...your husband is right...everything doesn't have to be perfect! Rejoice in the small tasks that do get done each day...the rest don't worry...the important things are family and God...the house work will ALWAYS be there! Be encouraged! And remember things don't stay the same...your little girl will get older and can start helping you... and you won't always babysit...our lives change all the time.

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  9. Hugs go out to you Wendy I think we all feel this way from time to time. Sometimes I go about and delight in my home when it's sparkling clean and I've got a good meal started in the kitchen. Then other days I feel the drudgery of every task. I think you just have to take time and breathe once in a while. I would suggest taking a little break if money is an issue than instead of going shopping for a few hours how about a free museum? I also like spending time with my girlfriends, it really renews me.

    Take care,

    Carey

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  10. I understand how you were feeling when you wrote this. I feel like this a lot.

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  11. I have been reading your blog for a long time and this is my first comment, but yes,yes,yes, I feel like this constantly since the holidays have been over and my daughter left to go back to school. I totally understand, and it feels like a rut that I'll never get out of. Yet, God is faithful, Wendi!I will pray for you.

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