Friday, May 22, 2009

Hard

Everywhere I look I see or hear about someone I know having a baby. After all this time, after all the joy I have received it is still hard. Hard to hear about others experiencing the joy of having a newborn. Hard to know that it will never be me. Hard to feel this way.

Honestly I am happy for everyone who has a baby or two or three. I would never wish for anyone to have a desire for a child and it go unfulfilled. I had always dreamed, thought, may assumed that I would have two or three children. Sometimes it just hits me that I will never have a large family.

I guess maybe what I am trying to say is that the next time you are announcing your good news or attending a baby shower and see someone who has no children, an only child or who has build their family through adoption with a far off look just remember that it might be hard for them.

I am a mom to beautiful little girl. A little girl that is the answer to my prayer. The prayer to be a mom. I know that I am blessed. I feel blessed. There are just those moments.

When I have moments that are hard I reflect on this scripture.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

If you are wondering what brought about this post. I received two invitations for baby showers this week and the kicker was packing up the last of Megan's baby items for my sister-in-law. Luckily the hard moments pass quickly.

I hope that you are enjoying some wonderful sunshine. Have a great, long weekend!

16 comments:

  1. I will remember, Wendi...I remember its hard. I still try to be aware of that, even though I've had a bio-child (funny name, huh?). I also try to remember those women at those times who have had miscarriages; that's hard to. I like to reflect on 2 Cor 1:3-5: 3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

    That's such a powerful verse! I packed away baby clothes, too..it made me weepy also!

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  2. First, I have to admit...I'm a bit of a lurker. I read your blog and enjoy it so much but I just don't comment. I had to comment to this.
    I am also an adoptive Mom to two wonderful children that we adopted at birth. They are now teenagers. I adore them and would never want any different but I will tell you that the ache for "children on demand" (LOL) never goes away. I am in my mid 40's and if my hubs and I had been able to conceive, I certainly would NOT be having a child at this age...but every time I see a pregnant gal or hold a new babe...I still wish it was me.
    I really have no words of wisdom..just wanted you to know that someone else understands your longing.

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  3. Wendi - I'm sorry. I remember that ache all too well. Thinking of you!

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  4. I just said a prayer for you. I'm not even going to pretend that I know how you feel, but I have experienced that "ache" that you're talking about. It took us a while to become pregnant with Zach. It took so long that I was beginning to worry. I would hear others announcing their big news and while smiling on the outside,inside I felt envious and hollow.

    Again, I'd never try to say I know how you feel, but I just wanted you to know that I'm familiar with those feelings and I'll be praying for you.

    Mandy

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  5. I appreciated your openness in this post, Wendi.

    As someone who has not yet been able to have a child, I understand many of your words all too well.

    Like you said, I never would wish for anyone to not have the child they've hoped for. I am not upset with them when they announce they are pregnant. Really, I'm truly happy for them. But often it brings sad feelings(although I get over it quickly) because it is a reminder of what I have longed for and have not yet experienced.

    I rely heavily on that same verse when I feel this way. God's promise to always give me what is the best fills me with peace and hope even though it doesn't always look the way I've envisioned.

    I hope and pray that God will someday bless me with a child/children. (Like you, I've always seen myself with a large family.)But at the same time, I pray that I will not forget how it feels to not have the child I've dreamed of so that I can better relate to others in this same situation.

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  6. I will be praying for you. I have a very close friend at church who also has to deal with this.

    When we have baby showers to attend, I just try to stick close to her and when someone starts talking about the birthing or baby things, I just try to talk to her about our children. You know, help her to focus on what God has given her for blessings in her life. She says it helps her.

    I love reading about your life and your beautiful little blessing that God has given you. Thank you for sharing with us everyday.

    Pat

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  7. It just never goes away does it.

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  8. I, too, imagined a large family and we only have one daughter (not by choice) so it is hard to get the shower invites, etc. Even though I am now past 40 and know it won't happen for me, it's still hard sometimes.

    I will say that as my daughter has gotten older (she is 7) is has gotten a bit easier.

    Thinking of you!

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  9. What a great wat to explain it and remind people!! I totally feel the same way as you!!!

    My dh and I have started the adoption process...but it seems to tak forver!

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  10. Thanks for sharing your heart so honestly, Wendi.

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  11. HI Wendi--I am sorry for your sadness. You are a great Mom and your little sweetie is so lucky to have you!

    Hugs~
    Tania

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  12. Wendi, I'm sorry but I'm glad you brought this up because far too often we do tend to overlook that there are amazing women (like you) out there, who want so badly to have a child of their own.

    Sending you hugs and prayers.

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  13. My story is somewhat unusual, but it does show how God has a hand in things! I married very young and had a son right away. we thought we could have as many babies as we wanted and could care for! Many years of fertilty treatments and three miscarriages later, we decided to stop trying. My last miscarriage was at age 38. Then....at age 49 I found myself pregnant! I was 22 weeks before I knew, and my life circumstances at the time were less than ideal. I was very worried about my baby's health. However, on Father's Day (6-18-06),at age 50, I gave birth to my second son, 32 years and 10 months to the day after my first!! My husband of nearly 35 years passed away in Dec 06, and I found myself a single mom at 50. My son has been a great blessing to me, my miracle child, even tho some days are very difficult. He is healthly, happy and bright, and will be three in a few weeks. We don't know what the future holds, I never thought I'd be a mom to two! Each of us has heartache and our own sadness to endure along with our blessings. How honest your post is! I, too, spentyears feeling that way, even tho I had a child. I felt "cheated" because I couldn't have more! Prayers and hugs to you,you'll get thru the sad times, and rejoice in you daughter!!!!And remember, God has His hand in things!

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  14. Wendy, I am not in exactly in the same situation but we are struggling with secondary infertility. I hope I wasn't insensitive when I was pregnant with my first but now, I so understand the mixed feelings that some women have. Thanks for this thoughtful reminder.

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